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Today’s parenting is complicated. Everyone has a way to do everything and there are always crazy expectations about what good parenting looks like (comment if you thought “Bad Moms” was as hilarious as I did).
One thing that I think parents can agree on, however, is that we want our kids to be happy, confident, hardworking people. Now, I take a lot of pride in developing great habits with my girls. What I really try to encourage is a mindset that tells them to try. The effort is what’s valuable. If a child feels like it’s ok to try, mess up and try again to get it right, they have something essential to them being successful long term. After all, if they try enough different ways they’re bound to get it.
Just like everything else, consistency and habits are the key to successful parenting and relationship building with your child. Our children get their habits and mindset from us so what are we showing them?
Habits come from consistency, doing something again and again. Repetition is key is developing this. Just like asking once, is often not enough, neither is encouraging or engaging with them just once on a given topic enough, no matter your kids age. Heck, is you asked me to do something just once (especially if I’m doing something else at the time) I probably won’t do it. And, let’s face it, kids are always doing something else.
Confidence isn’t built overnight, it’s a consistent effort in making your child feel good about themselves. Similarly, work ethic is something that’s developed, people aren’t born lazy.
Confidence
Confidence is hugely important to a person but building it doesn’t actually have to be hard. People love to be heard and feel interesting.
In order to have your child feel that way ask them what the best part of their day was and then ask a question about what they’ve said. Make if specific so they know you were really listening. Asking a question will also show interest in them and what they find important, re-enforcing the thought that what they said has value.
Genuine compliments will also help establish that confidence, things like; “I like how you handled that situation with an open mind” or “It sounds like you really learned a lot about ____ today. It’s great to see you putting in that effort”. The key to complements is to make them specific and genuine. Your child will smell a fake a mile away and this only sets you back. If you do this consistently you kid will have tons self-esteem.
Work Ethic
Kids want acceptance and love, and that’s all parents want to give! When building motivation and work ethic in your child keep that in mind. Have designated time for chores or school work. With my kids, I try to remember two things:
- It doesn’t matter how long it takes but they need to do it
- They need to do it right.
Their pace is their pace.
If the job is to sweep the floor and they didn’t do a good job, they need to do it again. They’ll quickly realize that it’s way better to do it right once that to do a lazy job 4 or 5 times.
For homework, I praise the effort that they put in. If they worked hard and did their best they get the reward of acceptance and love even if they didn’t get a great grade. If they didn’t put in the effort then they don’t get the praise. Kids want to be praised and feel accomplished and if they get that for trying hard and learning then they will always want to put that effort in and as they put the effort in, they learn more and do better grades follow. I try as much as I can to go through the assignments with my girls after they come back to find out what they didn’t understand so that we can work on that together and improve their grades.
Strong work ethic will be the best gift you can teach your child. It’s monumental in creating a successful mindset for the future.
If you’re interested in reading more about developing a growth mindset and strong work ethic I would highly recommend the book MINDSET by Carol Dwick.
Tasks
Habits also come in the form of tasks. In order to have a task completed consistently, there needs to be understanding. If your trying to get your child in the habit of doing something and they aren’t, it’s probably because they don’t know why they need to do it. Check out this Simon Sinek Ted Talk about the golden circle.
People do things because they know why, not because they know how or they know what you’re asking.
Instead of taking the “because I said so” route, the first time you ask your child to do something give them the reason in order to engage the sense of purpose that spurs choice. The second time, tell them again. The third, ask if they remember why it’s important and if they don’t go through it again. By the 5th it 6th time, they’ll either just do it when asked or you won’t even have to ask anymore because they truly see it as important, not just to you but to themselves as well.
